Draft Day 2K9

Even though it took us 30 years.... we've made our first pick. Nothing like an opportunity for some bad photoshopping.



Onto the 2nd round, where we have pretty much every freaking pick.

Public Service Announcement

So I thought it would go away. But it hasn't. And I feel like the problem is getting worse. This problem is infiltrating all aspects of our society. It's already found its way into one of my favorite hobbies (drinking) and I'm terrified that it is only a matter of time before it infiltrates something else I hold near and dear, the world of sports.

So I'm calling upon you fellow sports fans to help me. This problem is pure evil. The mere thought of it invokes nightmares. It spans generations. Young and old alike.

If you haven't figured out what I'm talking about yet, it's the Snuggie. At first, I thought it was a cruel joke. Then I slowly started to realize that people were serious about this thing. A freaking blanket with sleeves?? You've got to be kidding me. Then I thought, well at least its appeal is limited to crazy people. But you know what? People that I (once) viewed as sane, logical individuals started telling me they wanted one or thought they were a great idea. UM NO! In the god awful commercial (one that almost parodies itself) for these things, it shows people at a sporting event wearing them. "Great for outdoors!" You know what else is great for outdoors? A COAT! And guess what… it also has sleeves! And you don't look like you're in some weird Scientology sect.

With spring baseball weather always questionable, and football season just around the corner (fall will be here sooner than you think), I'm terrified these atrocities are going to start showing up in the stands. So my call to you, loyal readers, is this:

The first time you spot one of these when you're in the stands cheering on your favorite team, and you know it's going to happen sooner or later, put a stop to it. I don't care if it’s a man twice your size, a woman, or a child. You must remedy the situation. Punch them in the face. Throw your beer on them. Squirt stadium mustard in the shape of a "z", Zorro style, all over it. (or maybe an "s", for snuggie). Whatever you do, make sure this person knows what a douche bag they are. Teach them a lesson. If not, this may be our future:

As if the Yankees fans aren't bad enough.

And if you're beside yourself with excitement because of the fact I posted twice today- its because this is also HERE at Straight up Sports, where 7 out of 8* bloggers agree, the Snuggie tarnishes even A.Rod's stellar public image.

*this statistic is totally made up

Thoughts on the NFL Schedule and the NBA Playoffs

So the NFL released the regular season schedule yesterday, and its pretty much 1 o'clock games, which is about what I expected. We've got two 4 o'clock games against some west coast teams, but thats about it. Looks like I'll be bonding with my fellow Browns Backers at the bar every Sunday again this year. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

What did surprise me is that they gave us a Monday night game. At home. I was pretty sure that they were going to keep the Browns as far away from national television as humanly possible. (And probably ship us out for the crappy international game just as an extra kick in the side... if they're even still doing that this year) It's against the Ravens and we should be well rested coming off our bye week. That could actually be a good game, so nice work NFL. As far as I'm concerned this is our only nationally televised game, as I don't count the Thursday night NFL Network games as Nationally televised. If I can't watch it from my couch, it does not count.

In other blatantly obvious NFL news, the draft is next week, and if things go my way, I'll be there in person. So that should make for a fun little post if that pans out.

Moving on to the Cavs. Tonight is the last regular season game. Lebron probably won't even play. If you're reading this, I'm assuming you already know all of this, and won't dwell too much on it and the fact that we have won 66 games, only lost 1 game at home, and broken pretty much ever franchise record ever. I also won't dwell on the fact that whenever I see this team play together, I get jealous because of how much fun they seem to be having. Or the fact Lebron chances are the best they've ever been at winning MVP. Actually, I take that back. I will dwell on all of this. Because if you are anything like me, hearing these things does not get old. Hearing these things, reading these things, hell, typing these things bring a smile to my face. I look forward to the playoffs.

So thats that for now. This post was neither informative or entertaining, but whatever, it killed about 15 minutes of my time, so there you go.

1995

The crack of the bat. The sound of a ball snapping into a leather glove. The smell of beer and hot dogs. The sound of the announcers voice.

Spring.

Baseball season is upon us. And it always makes me slightly nostalgic. As the 2009 season is heating up, everyone is talking about who's going to be hot this year. But to me, when I think of baseball, specifically the Indians, I think of 1995. This was the height of my baseball fandom, and arguable, a great year for it.

I can still spout off our starting line up from that year. From memory. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but without thinking I know that Kenny Lofton was our lead off guy. (And if he got on base, watch out! He might steal!) Following behind him was Omar Viiiiizzzquel, whose hands were probably still stinging from bare handing the ball the previous inning. Carlos Biiiiii-aaaiiirrrrrrrr-gggaa (Baerga) next, followed by Alebert Belle at cleanup. (Just don't call him Joey!). After him was Eddie Murray in his quest for 3,000 hits. And next up to the plate, adjusting his cup, sporting his high socks, was Jim Thome, back when he was still at 3rd base. And today's sports fans would not even recognize the young Manny Ramirez, although he was already establishing himself as a hitter. And Paul Sorrento and Tony Pena/Sandy Almor rounded out the order. And we can't forget our pitchers, Orel Hershiser, Charlie Nagy, Jose Mesa, Jim Poole and Eric Plunk*!

That year meant so many great things for the Tribe. We went from a team that was so bad, they made movies about it to a dominating force to be reckoned with. They were an exciting team to watch. If I close my eyes, I can still see scenes being played out from that year, like I'm watching my cherished "Wahoo! What a Finish" VHS in my mind. Omar flipping double plays. Jose Mesa striking out anyone he faced. Manny and Albert belting out homeruns. Games at the Jake. Talk of baseball everywhere. I can still feel the excitement of the playoffs and the heartbreak of the World Series. There is a similar buzz about the Cavs right now, and hopefully their tale will have a different ending. But I digress. Baseball has changed since then. Whether because I've gotten older (and wiser?), or because it was before all the steriod era drama came to life. I was able to enjoy the sport and the game for what it was. I didn't see overpaid media images. I didn't see controversial figures. I saw people playing a game that I loved, and I saw them playing it well. In my mind, those guys were (and still are) heros.

So here's to 1995. And hopefully we can channel some of that magic in 2009. GO TRIBE!


*side note (and by side note, I mean pointless story) : I was in grade school during this time. I remember having an assembly when the Indians made the playoffs. We were all allowed to dress in Indians t-shirts, which was a big deal because I went to Catholic school. I think Slider, Charlie Nagy, and some random bat boy came. At this assembly, we sang a song about to the tune of 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game', except it was "Root, Root Root for the Innnddiiiannns" and there was a line in it that ended "Jim Pooooollleee and Eric PLUNK!", which sadly is one of the only lines of that song I can remember, and to this day that is why I will never forget those two pitchers!

Cavs

My roommate (also from Cleveland) and I are having a Cavs party tonight, so I thought I'd take this chance to reflect a bit on the team as we approach the home stretch of the regular season and the start of the playoffs.

First off, my thoughts on last night's game. Like Ron Burgandy after Baxter ate an entire wheel of cheese and then pooped in the fridge, I'm not even mad. Yea. We played badly last night. We were lobbing up shots that weren't falling. Defense looked like crap. We were pretty much letting the Wizards run all over us. No one was really even trying. I would say that we sent body doubles, but I think that you'd be pretty hard-pressed to find look alikes for most of the guys on our team. But we have played so amazing all season, that I can overlook this. Once.

I hope that we play tonight like the Cavs team I have come to expect this season. Not just because back to back losses might put a damper on the party I'm throwing (nothing a vodka soda or a couple of beers won't fix), but because even though we're on top, we need to finish this season strong. I don't want to see us go into the playoffs cold. We can't get lazy and lose that spark we've had all season.

At the start of the 4th last night, I saw a little bit of it, we closed the gap and came within one point, but we failed that final surge that we've seen so often this season. Tonight matters for Orlando. They're fighting for seeding. Tonight matters for us. We're fighting for the home court advantage. The game should and will be a challenge. It's our chance to put ourselves in a play-off like setting on the road and step up. We need to stop relying on the 4th quarter magic, and start off strong and keep it going ALL FOUR QUARTERS.

So I hope our boys enjoyed their little rest last night. Bring on the rest of the season, and bring on the playoffs!

Three Ring Circus

I started this post about a week ago, but work has me bent over like a... well.... we won't go there... so most of this is dated by now, but in attempt to keep posting semi-regularly, have at it anyway.

Barnum and Bailey's might be in town (in NYC)... but in Cleveland has their own circus in town. The folks over in Berea have been putting on quite the show this off season.

The Cavs should be my hot topic right now, but I'd like to spout off about the absolute mess that is the Cleveland Browns organization. You'd think that since it's the off season that the opportunities for them to piss me off would be few and far between. But oh no, unfortunately, this is one of those rare cases where they persist against all odds.

To your left, we have the Donte' (side note... I think from now on, I'm going to be Girl' Out of Cleveland) Stallworth-less. I mean I guess at least he's found a way to make headlines. Everything surrounding this situation is ridiculous. I mean obviously, this would happen the FREAKING MORNING AFTER WE GAVE HIM MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. But you know, while he didn't have time to, say use his breaks and stop the car, at least he had the common courtsey to flash his lights at the guy. Best "in poor taste" comment I've heard about this one: "Stallworth is innocent, when is the last time a Browns receiver ran over anyone?" Bravo Donte'. Keep up the good work. I eagerly await the outcome of this one...



Next up, to your right, we have the exodus of players. And you know what? I could care less! At this point, I have no attachment left to any player on this team. Actually, I take that back. If we get rid of Phil Dawson (or possibly Josh Cribbs), I quit. I don't know what I quit, but I quit. But seriously, I have no emotional reaction whatsoever to anyone else we rid of. Many fans made a big stink when we got rid of Winslow, but really, what did we lose? A under performing hot head? You know what Tampa? You can have him! Same goes for the Giants and Edwards. Take him. Please! Send us some draft picks. Or some hot dogs. Anything really. My only attachment to him is the fact I own his jersey. And I'm more likely to wear it in that semi-ironic, "you don't play for us anymore so its funny" type of way than a "I'm an actual fan of you" type of way.

Also in this ring, we have the Shaun Rogers drama turned non-drama. I'm just really glad that the Browns decided, "Hey! Its OK to be fat!" I mean heaven forbid that a professional athlete be required to be in shape or anything.

ANNND.... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALLLLLLL AGES.... I'm proud to present, in the center ring, the future of your Cleveland Browns Organization. The "Mangini/Kokoinis Show!" For our first act, we're going to bring you a brilliant new concept that folks in Cleveland have never seen before. A QUARTERBACK COMPETITION!!
**from the crowd** "booo" "hisss" Showers of beer bottles rain down.
Yea. That will end well. Serioulsy, you need to establish yourself as a coach and decision maker. Pick a side. I know that you want to see what you're working with, blah, blah, blah, but right now, I just see Romeo Crennel in a Mangini mask in this situation.

Clearly deriving joy from this, because, Hey! in Cleveland, quarterback controversy is fun, Mangini made another announcement this week. I about shat my pants when I read the headline on this article: "New name in Cleveland Browns QB mix: Brett Favre".

.....I'll let that sink in.....

That set me off into a tizzy, until I actually read more than a sentence into it:
Relax. Not as a player, but as a training camp "visitor." Seriously though? Why? That's all I really want to know. What is the point of this?? Can we please just exile Brett Favre to some remote island so I don't have to hear about him anymore?!?
With all this drama going on, and more inevitably to come, I'm glad that the Cavs will be playing through June and that baseball season is starting up, so I can push this team to the back of my mind for as long as possible.

In other news no one cares about- preseason opponents were announced today. We will have the pleasure of playing games no one cares about against the Lions, Titans, Packers, and Bears. Wooo. (please note my extreme sarcasm)

Promos Gone Wild

With attendance at sporting events dropping faster than a pass thrown to Braylon Edwards, many teams are turning to running various promotions as an innocent way of getting more fans to attend a game against a crappy opponent, or to put seats in the stands for a team that isn't playing so well. Like the New Jersey Nets "Resume Night". Unemployed? Still want to watch us lose?! Give us your resume, we'll give you a ticket! Or the various teams that have offered their obese fans an economical way to gorge on hot dogs AND cheer on their favorite teams with all you can eat seat nights.

Sometimes though, said promotions go horribly, horribly wrong.

Honestly, the brains behind some of these schemes were a few beers short of a six pack. A quick look at some of the more infamous promotions gone awry will show that they clearly had "bad idea" written all over them from the start. I mean, did anyone really expect events involving explosives or 10 cent beer to end well?

September 26, 1942.

Scrap Metal Night.

Yes, you read that right. Hello sports fans. Hate when things don't go the right way for your team? US TOO! That’s why tonight, we're having 'Bring Your Own Weapon' Night. Oh wait, we can't run that promotion? Ok, hmm, isn't there a war or something going on? Yea, yea, that’s a good idea. Let's let kids in free if they bring us shiny sharp pieces of metal. Cue 8th inning. Picture riotous youth storming the field and the players running for cover and squealing like little girls. Brilliant!

July 12, 1979

Disco Demolition Night.

I can just see someone sitting around making a list. Likes: Baseball, Explosives. Dislikes: Disco. Hmm, how can I combine all of these things into one stellar evening? How about let fans into the stadium for 98 cents and a disco record, all of which we will BLOW UP WITH A BOMB in between a double header. Apparently close to 90,000 people thought that this was indeed an awesome idea and showed up to a stadium with a capacity of roughly 50,000 and quickly began downing copious amounts of beer and per some reports "illegal drugs". "Woah… man… these records look like Frisbees”. I'm sure it's not easy to keep your team alive when you're being pelted in the head by "Stayin' alive" Shockingly, setting a bomb off in a stadium full of drunk, high, anti-disco fans somehow back fired. They some how managed to blow a huge hole in the outfield, inciting a riot, complete with field storming and fire-starting. (If you can't picture this in your mind, check out some great old-school pictures)

August 10, 1995

Dodgers' fans have balls!

I'm sure you've all been at a game where someone on the opposing team hits a home run and the entire stadium starts chanting "throw it back, throw it back". Now imagine all of these people suddenly realize they have all been armed with promotional baseballs upon entering the stadium. If you were an umpire in this game, would you start making questionable calls against the home team and ejecting players from the game? Or if you did, would you be surprised when the crowd started to make it rain? (And not in a way that someone who is "dancing her way through school" profits from). Yea didn't think so.

And last but not least, the biggest disaster of them all.

June 4, 1974

10 Cent Beer Night.

I really can't even do this night justice. There was an article about it on ESPN'S Page 2 this summer. Upon reading it I didn't know if I should be embarrassed or proud that this happened in Cleveland. Or that if it made me a horrible person that the article had me in tears I was laughing so hard at the absurdity of it. It was the 70s. People were drunk. And high. And for some reason came to the game armed with firecrackers. At one point, they were allowing fans to line up and get beer directly from the beer trucks. The drunken debauchery started innocently enough with a handful of streakers. But as the game progressed, and the fans got drunker, things got uglier. The end result was both dugouts emptying out and a full out riot. A quote from one of the crew chiefs (after a freaking hunting knife landed behind him) kind of sums up the whole thing: "F------ animals! You just can't pull back a pack of animals. When uncontrolled beasts are out there, you gotta do something. I saw two guys with knives, and I got hit with a chair."

Hopefully we can learn from these past mistakes and teams think twice before scheduling things like hypodermic needle night or "Hedge Fund Appreciation Night" on the same night as the mini bat give-a-way. Then again, it would make for a nice follow up post.

GUESS WHAT?!? You can also read this post on a really awesome blog called Straight Up Sports. Check it out HERE.