Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Things I'd rather think about

I really don't even want to talk about it. At all. You know what I mean, please don't make me say it. Instead, here is a list of things I'd rather discuss*:

- The economy
- Running
- Ponies
- What you would do for a Klondike bar
- Jock itch
- Shiny things
- The Louisiana purchase
- Oprah's book club
- Politics
- Advanced physics
- 2010
- Jack Bauer's torture tactics
- The effects of giving a hamster popcorn (on a piano)
- Anything while speaking on a landline
- "Air quotes"
- How the industrial revolution changed the face of the modern novel forever, citing specific examples
- The existence of Wyoming
- Japanese anime
- Toenail clippings
- Who invented cows
- Immigration
- The adverse effects of GLBC Christmas Ale on society

*please note, this list is not all inclusive, subject to change at anytime.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Cavs vs. 76ers

So it was suggested that I live blog this game... but things didn't really start off as planned. As I type this, there is about a minute left in the first quarter.

First, my ESPN-HD kept "skipping". It does this from time to time. I'm convinced Time Warner hates me, b/c ESPN is the only HD channel that does this. I have an HD-TV for a reason. To watch sports. I refuse to watch them in what I like to call "Regular D". So my first task was to try and remedy that. This was done by yelling at the TV and cursing TW out loud to no one in particular. In the process, I turned my internet off without realizing it. But now we're up and running. Here's my ADD-style live blog:

- What's the deal with the yellow jerseys? Ew! Not a fan.

- We've been rolling over teams left and right, and I've been giddy with excitement to watch this live. This game is close. What gives?

- I'm sad Booby is out. Not only are his 3 point skills being missed, but he's adorable. I want to be his friend so I can pinch his cheeks. And I have no shame in this.

- I love how effortless our passing looks. And I love the team work on the court.

- Is it me, or does this team just look HAPPY?! (and no sooner had I finished typing that did the announcers start talking about the team chemistry... I beat them to it though! You'll just have to take my word for that one)

- Z just made a hook shot from under the basket! Awesome.

- It's encouraging to see we can score about a gagillion (ok, maybe a bit of an exaggeration) unanswered points. With LeBron resting on the bench.

- I normally don't find regular season basketball fun to watch on tv. I am having fun right now. Throwing the ball halfway down the court to Bron Bron for the score? That's just fun!

- Oh sh*t. (They just caught up! Oh sh*t is about the best I can come up with)


- I'm a little upset we're not up by 57 points right now. I saw we take out the guy whose name I probably can't pronounce. He's hurting us.

- Start of the 2nd half... lets step it up boys!! I want ACTION!

- The fact that we're back up by double digits makes me somewhat happy. And now that we're up by 17, I'm even happier.... this is what I wanted to watch

- I just did a fist pump as Varejao tipped in LBJ's shot. I don't get "throw things and yell" excited and/or upset with basketball like I do with football... but I have found myself involuntarily doing the fist pump and mouthing "yes" several times during this game.

- Ok seriously? Goal tending? Again? I wasn't aware this was so common. The one in the first half was def not goal tending, the ball was still on the way up, I don't know if this one was or not, but I'm surprised this is being called.

***End of 3Q ***

- Aww! I didn't realize Donyell Marshall played for the '6ers... I miss him simply b/c I enjoyed the "Don-Yell" zone.

- ARRGHHH.... now Z is hurt??!! I was JUST reading an article earlier about how he hasn't been injured much lately... I feel like I might have jinxed him.

- Grrr!!! Our lead is slipping. I guess a win is a win as long as we hold on.

- Ok, I clearly can't do multiple things at once. I'm trying to juggle actually paying attention to the game, writing this, and talking to friends. This has suffered as game/friends have taken priority. And that's a lot of frustration in those last couple items for a game we're winning....

- Hello? Lebron? Are you still there??

- Ok, Williams seems to be picking up some slack, I'll take it.


Ok. So this wasn't quite the game I was expecting. I was expecting to be wowed. Razzle-dazzled. (Visions of NBA Jam for Super Nintendo pop into my head whenever I hear that phrase). I wanted to see us blow away another opponent. Cement the fact that we are an unstoppable force. I'm not sure if they exactly accomplished that tonight, but it was still a good game. I'm not disappointed that I watched it, and I came away with a happy feeling.

Lebron aside, we are a solid team. Even without Lebron, this team would be a contender. With Lebron? Well lets just say we are a team to be feared! We've got a lot of depth. Injures may slow us down a bit, but they are not going to stop us. Still I hope Z and Gibson are back soon.

This is the foundation that championships are built upon. This is a Cleveland team that knows how to get the job done, and get it done well. Our other teams should take note.

Monday, December 8, 2008

A Bad Day for Football

So for all intents and purposes, Romeo's career and this season has been dead for awhile. Sunday was the final nail in the coffin as far as I'm concerned though. I have flat out just stopped caring, and this isn't even fun anymore. And there's no way in hell that we don't have a new head coach next year.

We've gone beyond bad, we're now predictably bad. And I've seen it coming for awhile. I went back and read some of my old posts, which got me thinking about all the past games this season, and we keep repeating the same mistakes. Over and over. Mistakes are ok if you learn from them. Romeo and the Browns clearly have not. I'm thinking of applying for the head coaching job myself. If Mike Singletary can motivate the Niners by mooning them, imagine what me flashing could do for the Browns...

Watching the game on Sunday, I didn't even get mad or upset when we did something horrible. I just kind of shook my head, because I expected it. Anytime we got even got over the 50 yard line, I wasn't even thinking 'Maybe we'll score a touchdown', I merely thought 'Hopefully we can get close enough for Dawson to kick'. I don't even expect offensive touchdowns from us anymore. As far as I'm concerned, the job description of any football team's offense is to score touchdowns. We've gotten to the point that I'm not even expecting this team to do their job, the job that we are paying them millions to do.

I couldn't even get mad when Dawson missed a field goal. I think he's just sick of carrying this team. And I don't blame him. At one point during the 3rd quarter, I received a text message "We're only down by 4 FGs". Yep. Not 2 touchdowns, because I'm not entirely sure we know what those are.

On the rare occasion that the Browns did do something well (and I mean relatively speaking, I consider them doing routine things like completing simple passes to be "playing well" at this point), I couldn't even get excited. We couldn't string enough decent plays together to make anything happen, so why get excited?

Beyond the Browns, the rest of the NFL also disappointed me. If the Browns can't satisfy me, I count on other teams to put a smile on my face. I've become a pseudo Giants fan (not because they won the Superbowl last year, but because I occasionally will watch them play with various groups of friends who are lifelong Giants fans). They let me down as well. And I was really looking forward to them going undefeated the rest of the year so Browns fans could sport those really cool 18-1 shirts!

To top it off... the Steelers won (as the Cowboys choked, Browns style, giving up somthing like 17 unanswered points in the 4th quarter). Yuck. At least the Lions lost. Some things will never change. I found myself a bit upset when I saw they were up at half time. At least they came through with a loss for me. So we've got that going for us....

At this point, all I can say is: Bring on the Cavs!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

We now return to our irregularly scheduled programing

So life's been a little hectic the past two weeks or so for me, so I've been on a bit of a hiatus so to speak. I've been busy doing things like running a half marathon, turning 25 (yet pretending I was turning 21), and spending some quality time with the family for the Thanksgiving holiday. That and my mom has always told me if you don't have anything nice to say... don't say anything at all....

Being the die hard Cleveland fan that I am, I usually plan my trips home with the intention of working in a trip downtown to see one of my beloved teams play. Most trips home usually include either a Cavs, Browns, or Tribe game. Back in September when I booked my flight home for Thanksgiving, I made my return flight for 6am Monday morning with the intentions of going to the Browns/Colts game, but held off on getting tickets for the game (knowing I could probably play the birthday card with my brother...).

After watching Sunday's game, warm, dry and slightly hung over at Buffalo Wild Wings (aka "Bdubs"), I can safely say I'm glad I held off on those tickets. As the season has progressed, I have gone back and forth in my mind whether I wanted to attend this game.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fair weather fan. No matter how badly we play, how much the team disgusts me, or how big of a joke we become, I stand by my team. But I must say, I have never been happier NOT to be at a game. Regardless of the outcome, it was a BORING game to watch. Several times I forgot there was even a game going on. And I wasn't even drinking!

This season has gone beyond out of control. Our administration is a joke. Half our team is injured, the other half just doesn't seem to care. There is a disconnect between coaches and players. There is a disconnect amongst players themselves. And the biggest disconnect now seems to be between fans and the team as a whole. This season has seen a steady decline. From exciting and promising, to still a glimmer of hope, from just out of reach, to absolute hopelessness.

I mean we've now got to rely on KEN DORSEY and some random guy with a name more Polish than mine (and mine is pretty Polish....). The thing that us fans are most looking forward to is the day its announced that Romeo is gone.

Like today for example, while I was hard at work (aka wasting time on facebook) I noticed a friend of mine's status said something along the lines of "expecting a big announcement today". Now this particular friend is quickly making a name for himself in Cleveland sports, does locker room interviews, and basically is the kind of guy who would have inside knowledge of anything big. I was on the edge of my seat all day waiting for the 'No More Romeo' announcement that never came. And I'm sad because of it. It's really doesn't say much for the state of your team when the thing you are most looking forward to is the firing of your coach.

I was excited about watching how the rest of the season played out just to see how Quinn was going to develop, now we don't even have that. I'll watch the rest of the games, but pretty much because I like an excuse to be social (aka drink beer) on a Sunday.

And I will keep blogging because I need a way to entertain myself. And plus, the Cavs are awesome. (More on that soon). And at the end of the day, at least our players aren't shooting themselves in the leg.... So we've got that going for us.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

You've been KOSAR'D!!!!!!

It's like being Rick Roll'd... only better! It's going to catch on... I swear.

I actually came up with this idea upon reading a really great article about Bernie. I'm not so tech savvy beyond the blogging basics and my awesome photoshopping, so I'm just hiding this in the archives.

Do your part to help this catch on! Tell your friends to check out the really awesome (whatever will make them click on it) you found http://tinyurl.com/m3b7yd, and they'll have "Bernie Bernie.... oooooohhhh babbby... SUPER BOWL!" stuck in their heads for the next week.

You're Welcome.

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's Friday and I don't want to work...

I've got typical Friday fever... aka extreme lack of motivation to do anything work related. Lucky for me, I can entertain myself with this here blog of mine.

So much has happened in Cleveland sports this week that my mind is in overload! There is really no way I could narrow my thoughts down to one topic to ramble about... so I'll throw them all out there.

In semi-chronological order, here's what I've been thinking this week.

Monday Night Game.
Well we won. I'll take it. But it sure as hell wasn't pretty. Other than Phil Dawson. That man in incredible. Wind at his back or not, a 56 yard field goal is an amazing feat (and is amazing feet too!). That being said, I can pretty much start writing about games before they even happen. Here's my recap for this coming Sunday's game against the Texans:

Texans kick off to Browns. Cribbs returns to about the 50 for great field position. The offense slowly moves the ball forward, actually converting a few times. It looks like we're going to go up 7-0 to start the game. Pass to Edwards in the end zone... DROPPED. Cue Dawson. FIELD GOAL. Repeat several times. By the end of the 1st half, the defense SOMEHOW manages to hold Houston, and Dawson proceeds to kick 8 more field goals. Three of them from behind the 50 yard line. The Browns are up 27-0. Cue the second half, where our guards proceed to hold hands with Houston's running backs and skip with them down the field, and the rest of the defenses stands and observes as their QB lobs pass after pass over our heads to the waiting receivers. Our offense pretty much shuts down. This continues for much of the second half. As the clock winds down to the two minute warning... the game is now 28-27, Texans. Panic mode begins...

Sadly, that is probably going to be a pretty accurate description of how things will go.

Hopefully that prediction doesn't spur an:

Angry email from Phil Savage.
This whole situation is one of those you shake your head and kind of laugh because really, you don't know what else to do. (Here's the actual emails that were exchanged back and forth) Only in Cleveland does a GM respond to fan criticism with an Go root for Buffalo- f#$!@ you! This is now my stock response for any disagreement I have with people. What's that, you don't like my blog? Go root for buffalo- f#@! you! My boss tells me he needs a report on his desk by 5 o'clock tonight? Go root for buffalo- f#&! you. You want me to pay my bills? Go root for buffalo- f$#! you.

But you know what...

At least the Cavs are good.
This just in. The Cavs are good this year. Really good. Really ridiculously good. I realize that we lost to Detroit on Wednesday. But that is irrelevant. That was coming off an 8 game winning streak, and back to back away games. Now I admittedly don't follow the Cavs as closely as I do the Browns. I'd seen that we'd been winning games and heard that we're a stronger team than last year. But I had to see it for myself to believe it.

And that's just what happened.

Tuesday night I had the pleasure of seeing LeBron light up the Izod Center. Even when we were trailing through the first half (never by more than a few baskets), I thought we looked like the superior team. We were grabbing rebounds like they were going out of style, and even though we were down, I could tell that we were in control of the game. Mind you this might have been a somewhat biased opinion, but not entirely inaccurate. But we EXPLODED in the second half. Now Bron Bron always impresses, and had a few of his signature razzle dazzle plays, but what really surprised me is how great his supporting crew looked. It seemed like every time I turned around West was making another 3 pointer. We looked tough on D. We had a quickness on the court. Mo Williams? Definitely added a presence to the team. And I love Gibson. I'm excited for this team. I still can't get too excited until post season starts, but I will definitely make an effort to catch a few more of the nationally televised games this year.

Insert witty and appropriate transition here...

Broken finger.
To top off all the other mess going on with the Browns right now, Quinn has a broken finger. Luckily its just the tip (sooo many jokes right there that I'm not even going to touch...). He's still supposed to play, and hopefully it won't really effect him. But still, knowing our luck, he'll end up with staph, DA will be back in, and we're right back to where we started. And if somehow DA manages to scrape together a decent quarter or two, then what? There are some scary possibilities out there. This article is just terrifying. We're bad, but we're just mediocre enough that we might not be able to do anything to fix it. I agree with the author when he says "Get me a Christmas Ale. Stat." And if you deny me my Christmas Ale, then you know what, "Go root for buffalo- f#!@ you."

Maybe the magic of Christmas Ale will be enough to lure:

Bill Cowher to Cleveland.
The rumors of Cowher as the new head coach in Cleveland have been flying for sometime. But they've been just that. Rumors. Until now. Its been confirmed, kind of (thanks to my friend Ryan for this link, since he's already yelled at me for not crediting it to him once) that there are at least talks between the Browns the the former Steelers coach. Now I used to loathe this guy. I have said he looks like he eats small children for breakfast. (You can't deny this...) Well I'm sure there's plenty of small children in Cleveland.... Seriously. I just hated him because he led the enemy to victory. I am more than willing to jump on the Cowher band wagon if he comes to Cleveland. But I can't get excited yet. Because for now we kind of have to weather out the storm that is brewing and see what happens....

I think that covers all the big things that have been running through my mind all week. So we'll wrap this up. And I really should do some work. Actually screw that... It's Friday... Go root for buffalo- f#!@ you. (and I've officially over used that...)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Low Expectations: MNF #2

I've said it more than once before, and I'll say it again. THE BROWNS ARE NOT A SECOND HALF TEAM. We are far from the days of the Kardiac Kids, but the 4th quarter as of late has been infuriating. And don't even get me started with the whole "guys quitting" drama…

I have also said that an effective Browns strategy is to take a large lead in the first half and pray to the gods above that we can hold onto it in the 2nd for the win. Apparently this doesn't work so well, considering we've given up close to 50 second half points in just two games.

We've come to show that even a double digit lead though isn't "Browns proof". So how big of a lead are we going to try and blow this week? 20? 30? 47? (clearly I'm a little bitter) I've got higher expectations for the US auto industry than I do this game. This is a game we should win, but games we should win and games we do win have become two entirely different things. As always, I hope with all my might that I eat these words. With Shaun Rogers potentially out though, I have little to no faith in our defense. And our offense hasn't given me much to get excited about either. Win or lose, I can't see tonight being overly fun to watch. Other than the fact its an excuse to drink on a Monday.

Maybe we'll have some more of that Monday Night Magic that seems to work so well against NY teams… but I'm not holding my breath. I'll be watching tonight more so in hopes of catching a glimpse of BQ sans shirt. And that's the sad truth.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My Heart Hurts

Sigh. The Browns have officially broken my heart. Again. This team is like that bad relationship. You know its no good for you, but its all you know, and you just can't seem to walk away. You accept the heartache and pain in hopes that things will get better.

In an attempt to save the relationship, the Browns decided to spice things up last week. Try something new. Cue Brady Quinn. Many fans were hoping the hot Quinn and his rippling biceps would swoop in and the team and its fans could have the second honeymoon we've all been waiting for.

Its not to say the "romantic" gesture wasn't appreciated. It's just going to take much more to save this relationship.

What's got to go is the means-well but hasn't a clue mother-in-law. Aka Romeo Crennel. I doubt very many football fans can appreciate/understand (or at least would admit to it) the comparison of Romeo to Bunny McDougal, Charlotte's mother-in-law on Sex and the City. (...and I'm pretty sure I just lost every male reader with that reference...) but I'll continue.

Charlotte (Quinn) thought she was getting her fairy tale in her marriage to Trey (the Browns) but failed to win the approvoal of Bunny (Crennel). Bunny wanted what was best for Trey, and Trey loved his mother, but her actions always seemed to sabatoge the relationship. (Trey's performance issues didn't really help the relationship either. He could never seem to get the job done...)

Slowly, Trey started to see the truth. Bunny was particularly upset when Trey started to resist and defy her. She knew she had lost control.

Rather than bow out gracefully and accept defeat, Bunny stayed stubbornly set in her ways. Even when Trey and Charlotte knew their marriage (the season) was over, rather than take the high road, Bunny stood her ground, fighting to keep control of Trey's apartment. In the end, Charlotte won and got to keep the apartment.

So maybe there's hope. Crennel can fight all he wants, but in the end, he's going to end up out on the streets and Quinn will be left to stick around and redecorate the apartment. But we all know that this one's become quite the fixer-upper.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Mighty Quinn

Mighty Quinn? We'll see.

So I've kind of been avoiding posting all week. I know that you've all been anxiously checking for my witty insight on BQ getting the start all week, refreshing your browser every hour in anticipation. To be honest, I've been thinking about how to approach this topic all week, but my thoughts lack focus. Not that that's ever stopped me before....

I've had more conversations than I can count this week about Quinn. With Browns fans, non-Browns fans, Quinn supporters, and Quinn haters. Everyone has their own opinion on what this means. For DA, Romeo, Savage, the fans, and the team as a whole. I've debated all sides of this issue.

Many people doubt the fact that this decision was Romeo's. Judging by his track record this year, I tend to agree with that. I'm going to go ahead and give myself credit for this one. I'm pretty sure someone in Berea read my "Brady Bunch song", couldn't get the catchy little tune out of their head, and said, 'Sure! Why not?'

Personally, I do not expect Brady to swoop in and save the team (this year). What I do know is this: We've played inconsistently all year, and SOMETHING needed to change. Is the man behind the center that something? I'm not sure. But at this point, it can't hurt to try.

We've got plenty of other problems looming and a fix in one area does not necessarily equal a fix across the board. Even if Quinn turns out to be the next Otto Graham, we're still got some work to do to prove to the rest of the NFL and world at large that we're the team that everyone thought we might have been this year. A team that loyal fans still see deep down inside somewhere.

We've been paying BQ to sit on the bench for two years. We gave up a lot for him. We might as well see what he can do. Give him a chance in real game situations with our starters. Considering that from week to week, we have no idea which version of DA is going to show up, this is no more or less of a risk. We can't really do much WORSE.

Case in point: I'm not at either end of the spectrum on this one. I don't think Quinn means doomsday for Cleveland, and I don't think that he is our knight in shining armor. All I ask is that he goes out there, plays his heart out, and withstands this enormous pressure that was placed upon him 3 days ago.

How I've made it through this entire post without a single inappropriate joke is really amazing. But that's all I've got.

As for tonight, all I can say is... HERE WE GO BROWNIES.... and hope for the best.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

The Brady Bunch

I (thankfully) did not watch today's game. I had a number of friends running the New York Marathon today, and I went out to show my support for them. I did get essentially play by play text messages from a combination of my brother (who was at the game) and one of my friends. So I still lived and felt the heart ache, disappointment, and anger of today.

That being said, Here's to hoping it ushers in a new era:

Here's the story of a guy named Derek

That was heading up one struggling football team
All of them had lots of injuries, like their teammate,
The soldier one had staph.

Here's the story, of a man named Brady,
Who was spending way too much time on the bench,

He was a talented young QB, up and coming,
Yet he did not get play.

Till the one day when D - A again blew it
And I hope this is much more than a hunch,

That this young QB will somehow play now.
And the Browns will become the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch.

That's the way the Browns become the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Random Thoughts

On the Browns and the Cavs... I can't promise any of this is coherent.
  • I don't get the Browns... I'm no longer going to even pretend to. I'm just going to hope "good team" shows up each week and not "bad team"
  • I care about the Cavs at about 3 points during the year: (the season is waaaaayyyy too long for me to follow at other points)
  1. When they come to New York or New Jersey and/or I am going to the game
  2. Once the playoff start
  3. Tonight. So we can avenge the playoffs last year.
  • Z is one gangly white guy
  • Shaun Rogers. BEAST. He's up for defensive MVP this week and well deserved. I would not want to cross him. In a dark alley or otherwise. Especially if I was a small animal. He might eat me in one bite.
  • The Celtics may have knocked us out of the playoffs last year. But does their scoreboard shoot fire? I think not!
  • Seriously... what did the Browns do differently last week and against the Giants?
Eat their Wheaties? Down a can of spinach Popeye style before the game?

Drink some Redbull (Phil Dawson gives you wiiiiiinnnnnngggggggsssssss)

I guess we'll never know.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My take on the Injury Report

So apparently I now take requests on blog topics. This one comes from Ryan H. of Columbus, OH. Today we will discuss my analysis of this week's Cleveland Browns Injury Report (real or imagined!)

This post is brought to you by the Cleveland Clinic's Staph Infection Special Victims Unit.

Kellen Winslow is listed as out for this week. He is suffering from a severe case of diarrhea of the mouth. Side effects include: Bruised ego, broken spirit, and weakened relationships with authority figures.

In other tight end news, backup Steve Heiden did not practice yesterday due to a strained pectoral muscle (sadly, I did not make this one up). Romeo did not seem concerned, and has voiced that the veteran will be available to play come Sunday (he had limited participation in today's practice). Heiden, in the meantime, is getting ready for the game by flexing his pecs in front of the mirror (and/or Brady Quinn) for several hours a day.

Braylon Edwards has been suffering with an on again off again case of dropsies all season. This devastating condition plagued him much of the early part of the season. According to WebMD, this can be contagious and effect other team members in varying ways. It seemed to have cleared up in the Monday night game against the Giants, but he appeared to have a relapse last week against the Redskins. Hopefully he has found the cure and will be 100% for this week.

The defense is again a bit thin this week with both Shaun Smith (hand) and Corey Williams (shoulder) missing practice yesterday. I have hope here though. Smith has been out the past two weeks, and Williams is questionable. Our defense has been looking better, but as is usually the case, you never know what team is going to show up with the Browns. But looking at the NFL standings/records, mediocrity and inconsistency seem to be the norm in this league right now....

Apparently Jamal Lewis did not participate today, but is listed as a non-injury. Ummm... ok? One can only hope that this is not another case of the Browns covering up something a la Winslow's "undisclosed illness".

So there you have it. The injury report as seen by me. There's a few others that are out, and who knows, some of these may not be. Let's hope that we've got enough gas in the tanks though to go out and put up another win on Sunday.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Theeeeyyyy're bbbaaaccckkkkk.....

Yep, that was the Browns. Typical. I want the MNF team back. :( I'm tired of wondering which Browns team is going to show up from week to week.

After spending an awesome weekend in North Carolina for a reunion with my college roommates, I was pumped to hang out and watch the game with my good friend, former roommate, and fellow Browns fan (hi Ashley!). Being told that the Browns Backers bar in Columbia, SC where she lives is a bit creepy, we were pretty pumped that the game was being shown locally. Also, I'm obsessed this pop (yes pop, NOT soda) they have in the Carolinas called Cheerwine. So I was pretty excited to veg on Ash's couch with some Cheerwine and Sonic and watch the game. The Cheerwine was last night's only savior. Way to make me grumpy Browns! (Also made grumpier by the fact I'm now sitting at the airport... waiting for my flight back to NYC)

Seriously Browns? SERIOUSLY! I really think that if we would have decided to start playing during the first freaking quarter rather than halfway through the last quarter, we may have had a fighting chance and wouldn't have had to try and kick a freaking 54 yard field goal to tie the game with 30 seconds left. Only the Browns. And I'm so F*ing sick of kicking freaking field goals when we should have scored touchdowns. Although kudos on the TWO attempts at the TD on 4th and goal. The second one was a gift from the football gods, although it almost looked like they were showing a replay of the first try though when we were stopped short on pretty much third and inches both times. At least we were attempting to have some balls (there's a Winslow joke there somewhere...).

Also, I really want to know what Brady Quinn did to Romeo Crennel. Because I'm pretty sure that he has to have done something to him for Romeo to be so dead set on DA. Yes, I understood DA had an awesome game last week, but this week, not so much. And I'm just talking in general. I'm thinking BQ probably hit on his wife. Or maybe his son. I'm convinced that's got to be it.

My spirit is too broken and my frustration too high to really say much more. Last week's hope is all but gone. As an aside though, I must say that I will never be able to take Clinton Portis seriously, even though he ran all over us yesterday. And that is because of this ridiculous commercial, which somehow me and my roommate discovered a few years ago, and still makes me crack up at its awfulness every time I see it. (Also keep an eye out for Carmelo Anthony, random firefighters washing their truck, and the secretary jamming at her desk... too funny) So at least I have that and the cheerwine going for me.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Our Superbowl

(ok had to get that out of my system first)

When your season starts as slowly (ok, horribly) as the Browns did this year, its never a good thing. Especially when it was hyped up to be so much more. Coming into this week, this game was make or break. We could essentially count our season as over if we didn't start winning. And on national tv? Against the defending Superbowl champs? On a Monday night (for the first time in 5 years)? Well, its safe to say, that for Cleveland fans, Monday night was our Superbowl. So this is what it feels like to be on top, eh?

Seriously, that might be overreacting a bit, but not much. My loyal readers have been wondering when my post MNF blog was going to be written (and by my loyal readers, I mean by brother, best friend, and people who are bored at work) and what the reactions of New Yorkers have been (Seriously, we treated this game like the Superbowl, expecting to leave a wake of devastation. In the realm of Cleveland, we failed to see this as just another game) My brother even went so far as to suggest that I call this week's post "How does my ass taste". After my rant awhile back about rubbing it in and "kicking a dog when he's down", I chose to go a different route.

But I digress. My thoughts now that I've had a chance to digest the fact that Monday actually happened and it wasn't a dream. I was slow at work during the day and had spent some time reading about the game from varying sources. This of course left me nervous. I was quite honestly stressing out about a game in which I had no control. I found myself saying at the begining of the game, "I really don't expect to win this game, all I ask for is that we do not embarass ourselves on national tv". This was the very phrase I said 5 years ago en route to Cleveland Browns stadium for the last Monday night game we played. Though I would soon come to see the outcome would be very different. (Aside from the fact that 5 years ago included tailgating in a parking garage, randomly ending up seated next to my uncle at the game, and sneaking vodka into the stadium in an aquafina bottle, but that's another story)

Our offense started out in typical "2008 Browns" fashion. Falling just short of a TD and having to settle for 3. Then in a twist of fate, we intercepted and were given a second try, which again, in typical '08 Browns fashion fell short when PD missed a 50-some yard attempt. But as the first half went on, I began to notice something. The 2008 Browns began to play in a very untypical fashion. They were playing like a professional football team!! Braylon was catching passes! We were blocking! We were making key stops on defense! I don't know who this team was, but I hope to God they stick around!! I could get used to this team.

We scored late in the second quarter to take a 10 point lead, and in a cloud of euphuria I took a stupid bet with a Giants fan that I was watching the game with. He bet me all the money in his wallet (which amounted to $6) that they Giants would score again before the half was out. I knew this was probably going to happen. But I didn't care! I was excited! My adreneline was pumping! I had faith in my team! Plus, I admitadly know very little about gambling. I took the bet and lost my $6, but in hindsight, it was $6 well spent. (Maybe I should have gone double or nothing in the second half....)

I don't have much faith in the Browns as a second half team. I'm a Cleveland fan and eternally skeptical. I was nervous again as the 3rd quarter began. But as I had lost count on the pitchers of beer in front of us by this point, that nervousness was numbed a bit. And then things began to get exciting! We began to put points on the board! Several times! So THIS is what real football looks like!?!?!??! After a TD pass to Braylon, shortly followed by an interception which we returned for a TD, the game was essentially over.

The Browns bar I watch the games at is also a Giants bar. The crowd on Monday had been about half and half. It was about this time that half of the bar began to clear out. I'll give you one guess as to what half that was. I on the other hand was on cloud 9. While there were many upset Giants fans on Monday night (um our Giants fans friends stormed out without so much as a goodbye), life in New York did go on. I didn't get evil glares from co-workers, despite my Cleveland Browns wallpaper on my computer, and even got some 'good games' from a few people.

I don't know what this means for my boys going forward. Our play was far from flawless. We still made stupid mental mistakes, but lucky for us, the good outshined the bad. The Giants also made many mistakes, and eventually those cost them the game. If we can continue to play with the fire and intensity that we did in the national spotlight on Monday, we may still just have a shot.

Here's hoping....

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Romeo's facebook page

I sneaked a peek at Coach Crennel's facebook page tonight. Check it out for yourself. Click the image to view it larger.

Monday, October 6, 2008

That's What She Said: MNF edition

With the Browns bye week, I don't really have much spouting off to do. Having the sense of humor of Michael Scott, I always appreciate a good "that's what she said" joke. Lucky for me, football games offer countless opportunities for this.

The follow are actual phrase uttered during this week's Monday night football game:

"What a great grab"

"Great penetration by the safety right there"

"Tight end" (ok that one is kind of a push...)

"Campbell sneaks in from behind"

"He comes out of the pocket and gets the ball to Bush" (really... I'm starting to approach "the line"...)

"You've got Williams coming in your face" (annndddd... I crossed it... the announcers said it not me!)

"It's a little short, they might have to measure that"

"He's really good in this position"

"He's been in position to score a million times"

"Oh NO!" "Oh no what? You can't leave us hanging like that, is it out or is it not out" (I am in tears... I can't make this stuff up!)

"Coming up, your fastest three minutes"

"He had protection"

I think that that is more than enough inappropriateness for one night... but on unrelated side note.... Reggie Bush is apparently dating Kim Kardashian?!? All jokes aside, this was one exciting MNF game... hopefully next week will be the same....

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Bitter Sweet

Well I'd like to start off by saying that I'm pretty excited that I know that we will go two weeks without a loss. (Since we somehow managed a win last week and we don't play this week). That's something right?

It seems like all the good things I can point out about this team this year and said through clenched teeth. Its all bitter sweet. Like two weeks without a loss. If only that translated into back to back wins....

The win against the Bengals in and of itself was bitter sweet. We didn't play amazing football, winning a game with our heads held high. Oh no. We merely embarrassed ourselves slightly less than an even worse team who was playing with a back up QB. I think our defense was our best offense this week. At least we walked away without a zero at the front of our record.

There was one play this week that was stood out to me as so typical of the team this year. We had a nice interception in I think the 2nd quarter, that on the return, was fumbled. I'm pretty sure the Bengals GAINED yardage on that play. As I've said before, its not that we aren't being given opportunities, it's that we are failing to do anything with them.

This past game also somewhat delays the inevitable. Mind you I don't think I could have functioned this week due to the cloud of depression that would have resulted from a loss to this joke of a team. I will take a win over a loss in all circumstances. But at least it would have forced some action. In terms of staff, QB, etc, etc. Now we're stuck dealing with the same crap for at least another game or two.

There's just so much wrong with this team right now. I really hope they can fix some things in the extra time they have due to the bye week. Somehow, I don't see that happening though. I had a conversation with a friend who recently got a position as an intern for one of the major Cleveland news channels covering sports. Very cool job which has given him the chance to visit the locker room, go to practices, interview players, etc. Yesterday he told me that during a recent trip to the locker room, several players with large contracts were complaining about practicing in the rain. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!? This is your freaking job!!! This is football. In Cleveland. Bad weather comes with the territory. Be glad it's not snowing. You're getting paid millions of dollars to do this. I promise, you will not melt. No wonder we can't win games against real teams.

So I guess now we wait. Wait to get our asses handed to us on a platter on national TV. I really hope I eat my words. Somehow though, I doubt it.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Bring on the other guy....

What is there to say that hasn't been said in pretty much every media outlet and every blog concerning the Browns?

Blah Blah Blah. Weak O-line. Blah Blah Blah. Injuries Blah Blah Blah. No secondary. Blah Blah Blah. QB with no confidence. Blah Blah Blah. Poor coaching. Blah Blah Blah. We suck.

That pretty much sums it up, and I can't say I disagree. This year has been so disheartening. Romeo went on record as saying that Derek Anderson will start this week but that "the other guy will be ready. He actually referred to Brady Quinn as "the other guy." Seriously Romeo? Seriously? Regardless of what he does, I'm ready to see him play. Not that I'm a loyal fan of either QB camp. I've had very strong QB feelings in the past (the name Tim Couch still makes me vomit in my mouth a little ever time I hear it...) But this time around, I just want to not suck. I don't expect Quinn to come in and be our savior, but why not develop him this year when our season is on the verge of not mattering anyway. Get him some playing time, get him some experience. Give him tapes to study in the off season so he can perfect his game and come back next year and shine.

***THIS JUST IN*** (and by this just in, I just got off the phone with one of my friends who shared this info with me) CARSON PALMER IS OUT!!!

This changes ever thing. I am going into this week with hope!!! Lets hope I don't eat those words. We should be able to take this game and run with it! This make me happy.

Ok. I can't really form any new intelligent thoughts on this team or this matchup right now. As a cruel twist of fate, my college's homecoming was this weekend. While I did not attend, I have been getting numerous phone calls and text messages from college friends all weekend. My inbox is currently flooded with "Who dey" from my friends who should probably read the open letter of my last post. I'm going to go bash my phone against the wall for even displaying such words.

GO BROWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

A open letter to all the haters

I am still too emotionally wrenched to discuss yesterday's abomination. Instead I would like to present an open letter to all the hates. (yes, this probably means you!)

Dear Haters,

You haters come from all walks of life. Many of you are my friends. Some of you are people I encounter on a daily basis. Others are just plain mean. Regardless of who you are, I have the same message for you all:

Don't kick a dawg when he's down.

Seriously. Being a Browns fan is painful enough without you reminding me of it. You may think you are being cute and funny, but you are really just pouring salt in my wounds. Normally I would let these comments slide, because in all reality, I bring it upon myself. (ok, actually I wouldn't... but its nice to think I would right?) But when more people bring up the Browns to me than any other topic in the past 24 hours (and remember, I live in NEW YORK, not Cleveland), its eventually going to set me off into a tirade such as this. (and actually should probably serve as a warning sign that I need to get a life!)

As a Browns fan, I will continue to be a Browns fan, no matter how bad we play. I will be pissed off and miserable as a result of said bad play, but that will not change my inherent fan-ness. Please try and understand this. I guess I'm somewhat of a masochist in that way. I will return week after week to take my beating.

Some general things NOT to do:
1. Do not mass text me if you are a group of my friends that is out while I am watching a Browns game to tell me my beloved team sucks and I should be with you. I am clearly aware and probably quite angry about whatever suckiness is occurring. You are just asking for this anger to be projected upon you. I can not be held responsible for an obscenities that come your way. Consider yourself warned.

2. Do respond to an unrelated question with a sarcastic remark about the previous night's football game. Especially if you follow said sarcastic remark with knowledge of your team's victory.

3. Do not go out of your way to send me a message at work to remind me that my team lost. This is just extra mean on a Monday.

4. If you are my doorman, and I am coming home at 11pm on a Monday still in work clothes, take this as clue #1 that I've already had a long day and refrain from saying "tough loss for you last night, huh?" (although some leniency is given on this one for telling me you feel my pain because your Raiders lost as well)

5. Please refrain from asking me when DA/Braylon/Cribbs/JLew/whatever other Brown you think is under performing is going to step up and put up the numbers you were expecting for your fantasy team. Right now a winning Cleveland team is the only fantasy I'm concerned with. You're office league ranks a distant 49035094309014th to me.

6. If you are a random guy walking down the street, upon seeing my Browns jersey, do not say, "oh man, tough loss, I was pulling for the Browns." Especially do not say this if you are wearing a Dolphins jersey. We have reached a new low when Dolphins fans are feeling bad for us losing. Also, do not ask me if I want to switch jerseys with you. I don't.

These are some simple pointers to remember. Actually, I'm pretty much the biggest hypocrite ever on this one. And not just any hypocrite, a bitter hypocrite. That's probably the worst kind. Trash talking is by far one of my favorite parts of being a football fan, and the second we win a game, I'm going to be running my mouth to anyone I know who is a fan of the opposing team. And if I don't know any fans of the opposing team, I'll probably befriend them, just so I can bask in the glory of us beating them.

So I guess that just means I grin and bear it until my boys up their game. And I guess when it comes to haters, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?

Hatee turned Hater

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sunday Wishlist

Walking down the streets of New York this morning, I tripped over something which at first I thought was just a bum or your typical Sunday morning street debris. Upon a closer look, I realized it was a magic genie lamp! Lucky for me, because I'm looking for some magic to happen in the Browns late afternoon match-up against their former selves.

Lucky for me, this genie is not limiting me to 3 wishes.... because I have a lot!

Braylon Edwards not only plays, but plays well. He decides his PMS isn't quite bad enough to keep him sidelined and gets himself a pair of sticky hands (yep, like those ones you used to get for a quarter out of the gumball machines at the grocery store) so he can actually CATCH THE FREAKING BALL.

2. A chance to bark like a dog. One of the best parts of being a browns fan. Grown "adults" barking. It's fun. It's brings us Browns fans together. These past two weeks have provided very little opportunity for the chants of "Here we go Brownies...." and even less opportunity for said barking. Is a few big, exciting, chant inducing plays too much to ask for? I don't think so.

3. Health. I wish that real life was like a video game. And all we had to do was find a little red heart and our health meter would return to 100%. I honestly think the Browns have the worst luck in the entire league in terms of injuries. Miserable. At the very least, I wish for no new injuries.

4. Bring Reuben
Droughns back. Why you ask? I was a big fan of the guy back when he played for us. But really, more so because I'm watching the Giants/Bengals game right now and he just had a nice little 34 yard return. That's better than I've seen anyone on the Browns do this year. So if I've got wishes to blow, why not? Plus, I really enjoyed chanting "Reeuuu---ben.... Reeeuuuu-ben!". (ps, I am absolutely disgusted by the fact that the Bengals are currently winning, although it looks like this will soon change. I hope it does before I vomit!)

5. All other teams in our division spontaneously combust. I'm a big fan of spontaneous combustion. My fascination of this stems from a documentary I saw on it in 8th grade. And the fact Incubus sings about it. I loathe, despise, hate, abhor, all other teams in our division. To see them all fail, in one week, would be a dream come true to me. Rat-birds, Shitsburgh, and the Bungles all falling to superior teams.

6. Chemistry. There are many, many, many things wrong with our team this year, but I think the lack of chemistry is huge. I think if we could fix this, other things would start falling into place. Part of what made the Browns special last year was the team chemistry. DA/Braylon especially need to get back on track with this. Oh magic genie, please make it happen.

7. A team full of Kellen's. All personal issues aside, he's the only one who's showed any ounce of talent this season. If the rest of the team came out with half of his intensity, we'd be better off. A team full of Kellen-like playmaking would render us unstoppable.

8. A W. Above all else, that all I really want this week. Let's make it happen boys, lets make it happen.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Weebles Wobble....

I have fond memories of these lovable little toys from my childhood. If you don't know (or remember) what they are, here's what Wikipedia (my go to source for everything!) has to say:

"Weebles is a trademark for several lines of children's toys originating in Hasbro's Playskool division on July 23, 1971. Shaped like eggs with a weight at the fat, or bottom end, they wobble when pushed, but never fall completely over, hence the name."

So where am I going with this, you may ask. Well I have noted time and time again that a one Romeo Crennel bears an uncanny resemblence to these playthings. Don't believe me? See for yourself:
So anyway, there is a popular catchpharse that goes along with the weebles: "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down." Or do they?

Romeo has been pretty wobbly lately. It's in his nature. He's a bubbly egg-shapped kinda guy... (his resemblance to the dog weeble is uncanny). My problem is he doesn't so much live up to the "they don't fall down". He is falling. And fast.

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine earlier about the fate the Browns this year. He seems to think that Romeo may be shown the door sooner rather than later. It is his sentiment that after this week's matchup against the Ratbirds, the losing team will be a little bit lighter in the head coach department. I think that might be a bit hasty, but I will agree that Cleveland's own Weeble is teetering dangerously close to the ground, and if he doesn't bounce back up soon, he'll be thrown out like a defective recalled toy.

And I can't say that that would make me sad. He's had ample opportunity to do something with this team. Obviously his first year or two would be trasitioning/rebuilding years. Last year he had the chance to make the Browns a true Cindarealla story. I can't blame our dashed playoff hopes solely on him, but I do feel a stronger coach would have at least had us playing in the first round.

And this year he has been absolutly horrendous. As a whole, I feel that the team has taken a giant step back. But, to borrow a phrase from the business world, he needs to set the "tone at the top". The talent is there (or was at least...I am starting to have my doubts). We need someone who can hold it together and make things happen. He's proven more than once that he is not the man that can do that.

He can't call time outs. And he clearly needs some basic math lessons. (hint: 3+3<7) He has left may a Browns fan, or anyone with half a brain watching the football game, scratching their heads saying: "What was he thinking??"This is not the fearless leader that our team needs. We need someone who's not afriad to take chances (and by take chances, I mean attempt to score enough points to win a freaking game). We need someone the team will respect. We need someone the fans and critics will respect. This person is not Romeo. I will not pretend to know who it is, because I don't. I will leave you with another, not so suble pop-culture reference that sums about how I feel about the career* of our head coach:

*please note, as I have stated in the past, I would never wish death upon anyone, which is why I specified his career, not him as a person.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sunday Night Football: A play by play (sorta)

Ok, so we're going to try something new (although, this being my 4th post, most things about this bad boy are still pretty new).

Since our game tonight is a national game, and I'm watching from the comfort of my couch, I'm going to give my thoughts on the game in semi-real time. As I get a little bit too heated when I watch games and tend to throw things, its not a good idea to keep my computer within arms reach, so I'll give my thoughts at the conclusion of every quarter during the safety of the commercial breaks.

Pre-game thoughts:
This game is being hyped, like everything else surrounding our season. Its our chance to establish our presence in the division. So we lost last week. We clearly don't have a good track record in home openers, so lets write it off as a loss, move on, and kick some Shitsburg ass! Braylon needs to step up his game , the D needs to step up their game, hell, the whole freaking team needs to step up their game. Make it happen, and make it happen this week.

1st Q:
One word summary: Unimpressive
SACK! On Roethsliburger! On 3rd and 2! Woo. Highlight of the first quarter and the best thing I've seen from our defense this year.
Zastudil kicking well into the wind. Unfortunately, he had to do it way to many times b/c we can't get first downs.
Holding the Stillers to Zero
Braylon sucking at life. Still dead to me. Wind is no excuse.
In general, our D still giving the QB all the time in the world to throw the freaking ball. Where is the pressure?
Having our own score remain Zero.
Other thoughts:
John Madden is a douche.
Why is more attention being paid to Michael Phelps than the game at hand? Yes, he went to M*chigan. Yes, him and Braylon are pals, but lets move on and not bring him up every three seconds just because he's at the game.

2nd Q:
One word summary: gksaljgldksajfdlksajfl;as
Um, no one got hurt? Seriously, I would have called a strong approx. 80 yard drive a positive if we had made something of it. Clearly, we didn't. Even a freaking field goal would have been ok. The actual result was infuriating and unacceptable. Actually. I enjoyed that the Steelers called a time out just as we jumped offsides on 4th and 1, except we then proceeded to let them run the ball half way down the freaking field, so this is not a positive.
Way too many. Botching a timeout call at a key time. Bad. Not scoring. Bad. Throwing multiple interceptions. Bad, Bad, Bad. (DA, our guys are wearing the BROWN jerseys, just a friendly reminder)
Shaun Rogers needs to brush up on some fundamentals. Face mask grabbing and jumping the line before the opposing team snaps the ball are cheating. The refs don't like cheaters. Maybe they don't teach you that at Texas*, but here in the north, we play by the rules.
Other thoughts:
A fight will break out before this game is over. There's a lot of physicality going on. Beyond that of a normal game. I am actually looking forward to seeing this happen. Nothing would make me happier. It would bring some excitement to this game. I want the benches to empty. Fists to fly.

Clearly, at the half, I'm not a happy Browns fan. Some shit better go down in that locker room before the 2nd half. Romeo needs to lay down the law and light the fire beneath their arses... Although I never really have faith in us as a 2nd half team. Our strategy should be to score early and often and then pray to God we can hold onto said lead.

3rd Q
One word summary: frustrating
We put points on the board. Mind you it was only 3, but still, at least we scored. The game won't be a shut out.
Braylon caught a pass (but then immediately dropped the next). At least I now know his hands still work. Sometimes. Kind of.
We don't like to score touchdowns apparently.
We like to make stupid penalties (offsides)
Not getting the turnover at like the 2 yard line (although it was weather related, and the ball slipped through the hands of like 4 different people)
Other thoughts: 4th and 1. I would go for it. Always. Ok, maybe not always always, but def more than most coaches do. Just a thought, and one based on little to no knowledge of what goes into play making decisions in the NFL.

4th Q:
One word summary: typical
Positives: not a damn thing
Not capitalizing on our drives (scoring field goals rather than TDs, especially when the sum of our field goals does not surpass the opposing team's score)
Stupid and/or mental mistakes (a reoccurring theme season after season week after week)

Honestly, today's game play was an improvement over last week. It wasn't awful, but we did make mistakes. Too many mistakes. And it cost us the game. We again didn't take advantage of the opportunities we were given and it hurt us. I am upset over this loss, and will again be in a football funk until at least mid-week, but I have not abandoned hope on this season. And there was the hilarious comment in the 4th quarter from the ever idiotic announcers that the Browns are "the trendy team in this division this year", which made me crack a smile despite my depression over the loss.

*I actually have nothing against Texas, but one of three people who may actually be reading this blog is from there, and I just love to trash talk...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I'm probably going straight to hell

So I might be a bad person. I'm kind of ok with that. This revelation came in light of what I will simply call "The Tom Brady Incident". I had a conversation with a Pats fan, and he said that he was shocked that when Brady went down during the game on Sunday, people actually cheered. (He had been watching the game at ESPN Zone in Times Square, so there were undoubtedly fans of multiple teams, many people who hate the Pats, and most likely lots of drunk tourists). So it got me to thinking. As a Browns fan, if we can't take joys in our team's accomplishments, sometimes, the best we can hope for is to take joy in other team's failures. Because, Hey! At least it didn't happen to us. And if that makes me a bad person? Well then so be it.

That being said, the following list of things might not necessarily make me cheer, but they sure as hell wouldn't make me sad. (And really, who am I kidding, they'd probably put a little half smirk on my face)

  • Brett Farve breaking a toe (he's old, he annoys me, he should have stayed retired!)
  • T.O. getting a crane dropped on him (ok, I would never wish death on anyone, so maybe a small crane, or at least just on his building so he'd have the inconvenience of being homeless... it sucks... trust me!)
  • Pittsburgh being annexed to Canada* and the Steelers forced to withdraw from the NFL
  • Baltimore Ravens stadium falling into the ocean
  • I don't always agree with Bill Simmons, but I certainly do on this: The Bengals trade him [the player formerly known as Chad Johnson] to a team that already has an established No. 85. Ocho Cinco keeps offering the guy money for his jersey. The guy keeps saying no. Eventually a bitter Ocho Cinco has to either offer him like $500,000, or wear Ocho Seis or Ocho Quatro for the season. Please, Lord, let this happen
  • Ben Roethlisberger contracting every STD under the sun. Twice.
  • M*chigan also gets annexed to Canada*.
  • Chris Hansen exposes Bill Cowher for eating small children for breakfast (I realize he's no longer associated with the enemy, but he annoys me, and really, doesn't he look like he eats small children for breakfast)
  • People spontaneously combusting every time they utter they phrase "who dey"
I could go on... but I won't. I'm pretty sure I've already go a seat reserved on the express train to hell.

*Actually, this would be unfair to Canada, I propose we annex them both to Iraq

Monday, September 8, 2008

An All Too Familiar Feeling...

Loss. Disappointment. Bitterness and cynicism. In other words: Sunday. These feelings are all too familiar in the life of a Browns fan. I was hoping this year was going to be different... but it was the same old thing.

I'm going to take my stab at playing Monday Morning (well, evening) Quarterback... In my opinion the game was more of a blowout than the 28-10 final score would lead you to believe. So here's my thoughts on the game for what they're worth:

Braylon Edwards.
Wow. That's all I can say. And not good wow either. He is dead to me until he starts proving himself. I actually took my jersey off during the game yesterday I was so disgusted by his lack of play making. (My Browns jersey bears the number 17, and luckily, I had worn a shirt underneath) He couldn't catch a ball to save his life. I guess that's what I get for placing faith in a player to come out of the state up north. Its looking like his little barefoot run may have some long lasting effects. This pisses me off. Also, next time you want to make ridiculous bets, you'd better come out playing strong from game one to back all your talk. For the record Braylon, you have to CATCH THE BALL to score touchdowns.

Again, all I can say is wow. Our defense has more holes than golf course. And the Cowboys found and exploited those holes early and often. Honestly. I don't think they could have stopped a high school team. They gave Romo so much time that he could have written a love song to Jessica Simpson before throwing the ball. It was disgusting to watch. I think there might have been one play that we actually put some decent pressure on him. And that was probably as a result of luck rather than actual talent.

For a team whose offense is supposedly a strength, I was not impressed. Beyond Braylon sucking it up, no one really stood out or dazzled me. There was nothing exciting. Not having Cribbs hurt. I'm not sure if better field position on our drives would have helped, but it certainly couldn't have made things worse. And with around 10 minutes left in the 4th when we finally had a drive to get excited about... WE KICKED A FREAKING FIELD GOAL EVEN THOUGH WE WERE DOWN BY 21 POINTS. Seriously? I mean I don't claim to know everything there is to know about football, but there seems to be something inherently flawed with that move. Why not just go for the TD? What did those 3 points prove?

Other stuff.
Browns need to learn to take advantage of opportunites they are given. I commented early on to the Cowboys fan that I was watching the game with that penalties were going to come into play. Unfortuntaly, they didn't. I think Dallas had something like 7 penalties by the end of the first quarter. We should have been using that to our advantage. We didn't.

I hate TO. Seriously, I do. Every time I watch him play, I hate him more. Especially after his little display of unsportsman like conduct after is TD catch. I remember one time seeing a sign from an opposing fan that said "TO has BO" (which i think he either proceeded to tear down or throw the ball at or something). That about sums up my thoughts on him. He sucks at life. Straight up.

Hole In the Wall is the stupidest and most genious show all at the same time. The show is simplisticly stupid in concept. Its basically human tetris and people have to conform their bodies to pass through a shape in a hole in a moving wall. If they fail, the smack into the wall and fall into a pool of water. There is something absolutly hilarious about this. And the time slot is the real genious. Its on Fox right after their Sunday football games are over. So the main audience is drunk football fans. This was really the only redeeming thing of my Sunday night. We watched this at the bar after the game with no sound. And it was amazing. Thank you Fox. This show will last. Only until the end of football season. Once people cease to be drunk on Sunday nights, this show will lose its appeal.

Thats it. So I am left with the bitter taste of defeat in my mouth. And this bad mood/funk will likely last into mid-week. I hate that a football game has that kind of power over me. Expect more rants/complaints as the week progresses.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Every New Begining

Every new begining comes from some other beginings end. Not really an original thought, but it sums up how I feel right now.

Every new football season brings with it a wave of emotions. This year is no different. The start of training camp and preseason marked a new beginning. Today marks the end of that beginning (thankfully!) and with it, the new beginning of the 2008-2009 football season. Lets take a look at the litany of emotions that are surging through me.

I am giddy with excitement. Some people like summer, some spring, hell, some people even like winter. Me? My favorite season is without a doubt FOOTBALL season. Now that its officially started... I can no longer contain my excitement. And the Browns are getting some notice this year. There's always a certain buzz around them in Cleveland, but there's been some national recognition this year, after many, many, many years of being pretty much a joke. With 5 officialy nationally televised games, people will be watching. Which brings me to my next emotion:

OK. I'll admit it. I'm terrified. The Browns have this strange power over me. They have the power to make or break my week in a matter of a couple hours. This season is not going to be easy. First, there is the recurring story line of injuries. It seems every time you turn around, some other key player is injured. From respectable injuries that inevitably occur in the course of game play, the the absurd head shaking injuries a la running barefoot or motorcycle stunts (really, I will really never get past that one). And then there's this new fear that comes with being in the spotlight. I fear a word that I have already started to hear, but I really am refusing to let sink in. Overrated. I hope that the Browns can eliminate this thought from the minds of many.

Despite my fears, I am perpetually optimistic. I love my brownies. I have faith in them. I always have. Even at their worst. And I always will. As a life long Cleveland fan, I am realistic. I prepare myself mentally for the worst. But deep down inside, I always have that sense of optimism. Maybe this will be our year. Maybe the pieces of the puzzle will finally fit into place. Maybe our luck will change. No, we don't have a lot of depth, but who knows, maybe there will be some surprises. No one expected DA to be what he was last year. Maybe we've got some more DA's down there on the depth chart. Sure we didn't see it in preseason. But preseason is over. Our guys have a new chance to prove themselves. When it counts. Regardless of what happens, its going to be fun to watch.

I could continue, but its almost game time! Time to head up to the Browns Backers bar, my own personal piece of Cleveland here in New York and let the fun begin. Hold on tight Cleveland fans! Its going to be a wild ride this year, and only time will tell where its going to take us.