Monday, September 22, 2008

A open letter to all the haters

I am still too emotionally wrenched to discuss yesterday's abomination. Instead I would like to present an open letter to all the hates. (yes, this probably means you!)

Dear Haters,

You haters come from all walks of life. Many of you are my friends. Some of you are people I encounter on a daily basis. Others are just plain mean. Regardless of who you are, I have the same message for you all:

Don't kick a dawg when he's down.

Seriously. Being a Browns fan is painful enough without you reminding me of it. You may think you are being cute and funny, but you are really just pouring salt in my wounds. Normally I would let these comments slide, because in all reality, I bring it upon myself. (ok, actually I wouldn't... but its nice to think I would right?) But when more people bring up the Browns to me than any other topic in the past 24 hours (and remember, I live in NEW YORK, not Cleveland), its eventually going to set me off into a tirade such as this. (and actually should probably serve as a warning sign that I need to get a life!)

As a Browns fan, I will continue to be a Browns fan, no matter how bad we play. I will be pissed off and miserable as a result of said bad play, but that will not change my inherent fan-ness. Please try and understand this. I guess I'm somewhat of a masochist in that way. I will return week after week to take my beating.

Some general things NOT to do:
1. Do not mass text me if you are a group of my friends that is out while I am watching a Browns game to tell me my beloved team sucks and I should be with you. I am clearly aware and probably quite angry about whatever suckiness is occurring. You are just asking for this anger to be projected upon you. I can not be held responsible for an obscenities that come your way. Consider yourself warned.

2. Do respond to an unrelated question with a sarcastic remark about the previous night's football game. Especially if you follow said sarcastic remark with knowledge of your team's victory.

3. Do not go out of your way to send me a message at work to remind me that my team lost. This is just extra mean on a Monday.

4. If you are my doorman, and I am coming home at 11pm on a Monday still in work clothes, take this as clue #1 that I've already had a long day and refrain from saying "tough loss for you last night, huh?" (although some leniency is given on this one for telling me you feel my pain because your Raiders lost as well)

5. Please refrain from asking me when DA/Braylon/Cribbs/JLew/whatever other Brown you think is under performing is going to step up and put up the numbers you were expecting for your fantasy team. Right now a winning Cleveland team is the only fantasy I'm concerned with. You're office league ranks a distant 49035094309014th to me.

6. If you are a random guy walking down the street, upon seeing my Browns jersey, do not say, "oh man, tough loss, I was pulling for the Browns." Especially do not say this if you are wearing a Dolphins jersey. We have reached a new low when Dolphins fans are feeling bad for us losing. Also, do not ask me if I want to switch jerseys with you. I don't.

These are some simple pointers to remember. Actually, I'm pretty much the biggest hypocrite ever on this one. And not just any hypocrite, a bitter hypocrite. That's probably the worst kind. Trash talking is by far one of my favorite parts of being a football fan, and the second we win a game, I'm going to be running my mouth to anyone I know who is a fan of the opposing team. And if I don't know any fans of the opposing team, I'll probably befriend them, just so I can bask in the glory of us beating them.

So I guess that just means I grin and bear it until my boys up their game. And I guess when it comes to haters, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?

Sincerely,
Hatee turned Hater

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