Sunday Wishlist

Walking down the streets of New York this morning, I tripped over something which at first I thought was just a bum or your typical Sunday morning street debris. Upon a closer look, I realized it was a magic genie lamp! Lucky for me, because I'm looking for some magic to happen in the Browns late afternoon match-up against their former selves.

Lucky for me, this genie is not limiting me to 3 wishes.... because I have a lot!

1. Braylon Edwards not only plays, but plays well. He decides his PMS isn't quite bad enough to keep him sidelined and gets himself a pair of sticky hands (yep, like those ones you used to get for a quarter out of the gumball machines at the grocery store) so he can actually CATCH THE FREAKING BALL.


2. A chance to bark like a dog. One of the best parts of being a browns fan. Grown "adults" barking. It's fun. It's brings us Browns fans together. These past two weeks have provided very little opportunity for the chants of "Here we go Brownies...." and even less opportunity for said barking. Is a few big, exciting, chant inducing plays too much to ask for? I don't think so.

3. Health. I wish that real life was like a video game. And all we had to do was find a little red heart and our health meter would return to 100%. I honestly think the Browns have the worst luck in the entire league in terms of injuries. Miserable. At the very least, I wish for no new injuries.

4. Bring Reuben Droughns back. Why you ask? I was a big fan of the guy back when he played for us. But really, more so because I'm watching the Giants/Bengals game right now and he just had a nice little 34 yard return. That's better than I've seen anyone on the Browns do this year. So if I've got wishes to blow, why not? Plus, I really enjoyed chanting "Reeuuu---ben.... Reeeuuuu-ben!". (ps, I am absolutely disgusted by the fact that the Bengals are currently winning, although it looks like this will soon change. I hope it does before I vomit!)

5. All other teams in our division spontaneously combust. I'm a big fan of spontaneous combustion. My fascination of this stems from a documentary I saw on it in 8th grade. And the fact Incubus sings about it. I loathe, despise, hate, abhor, all other teams in our division. To see them all fail, in one week, would be a dream come true to me. Rat-birds, Shitsburgh, and the Bungles all falling to superior teams.

6. Chemistry. There are many, many, many things wrong with our team this year, but I think the lack of chemistry is huge. I think if we could fix this, other things would start falling into place. Part of what made the Browns special last year was the team chemistry. DA/Braylon especially need to get back on track with this. Oh magic genie, please make it happen.

7. A team full of Kellen's. All personal issues aside, he's the only one who's showed any ounce of talent this season. If the rest of the team came out with half of his intensity, we'd be better off. A team full of Kellen-like playmaking would render us unstoppable.

8. A W. Above all else, that all I really want this week. Let's make it happen boys, lets make it happen.