Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Three Ring Circus

I started this post about a week ago, but work has me bent over like a... well.... we won't go there... so most of this is dated by now, but in attempt to keep posting semi-regularly, have at it anyway.

Barnum and Bailey's might be in town (in NYC)... but in Cleveland has their own circus in town. The folks over in Berea have been putting on quite the show this off season.

The Cavs should be my hot topic right now, but I'd like to spout off about the absolute mess that is the Cleveland Browns organization. You'd think that since it's the off season that the opportunities for them to piss me off would be few and far between. But oh no, unfortunately, this is one of those rare cases where they persist against all odds.

To your left, we have the Donte' (side note... I think from now on, I'm going to be Girl' Out of Cleveland) Stallworth-less. I mean I guess at least he's found a way to make headlines. Everything surrounding this situation is ridiculous. I mean obviously, this would happen the FREAKING MORNING AFTER WE GAVE HIM MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. But you know, while he didn't have time to, say use his breaks and stop the car, at least he had the common courtsey to flash his lights at the guy. Best "in poor taste" comment I've heard about this one: "Stallworth is innocent, when is the last time a Browns receiver ran over anyone?" Bravo Donte'. Keep up the good work. I eagerly await the outcome of this one...

Next up, to your right, we have the exodus of players. And you know what? I could care less! At this point, I have no attachment left to any player on this team. Actually, I take that back. If we get rid of Phil Dawson (or possibly Josh Cribbs), I quit. I don't know what I quit, but I quit. But seriously, I have no emotional reaction whatsoever to anyone else we rid of. Many fans made a big stink when we got rid of Winslow, but really, what did we lose? A under performing hot head? You know what Tampa? You can have him! Same goes for the Giants and Edwards. Take him. Please! Send us some draft picks. Or some hot dogs. Anything really. My only attachment to him is the fact I own his jersey. And I'm more likely to wear it in that semi-ironic, "you don't play for us anymore so its funny" type of way than a "I'm an actual fan of you" type of way.

Also in this ring, we have the Shaun Rogers drama turned non-drama. I'm just really glad that the Browns decided, "Hey! Its OK to be fat!" I mean heaven forbid that a professional athlete be required to be in shape or anything.

ANNND.... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALLLLLLL AGES.... I'm proud to present, in the center ring, the future of your Cleveland Browns Organization. The "Mangini/Kokoinis Show!" For our first act, we're going to bring you a brilliant new concept that folks in Cleveland have never seen before. A QUARTERBACK COMPETITION!!
**from the crowd** "booo" "hisss" Showers of beer bottles rain down.

Yea. That will end well. Serioulsy, you need to establish yourself as a coach and decision maker. Pick a side. I know that you want to see what you're working with, blah, blah, blah, but right now, I just see Romeo Crennel in a Mangini mask in this situation.

Clearly deriving joy from this, because, Hey! in Cleveland, quarterback controversy is fun, Mangini made another announcement this week. I about shat my pants when I read the headline on this article: "New name in Cleveland Browns QB mix: Brett Favre".

.....I'll let that sink in.....

That set me off into a tizzy, until I actually read more than a sentence into it:
Relax. Not as a player, but as a training camp "visitor." Seriously though? Why? That's all I really want to know. What is the point of this?? Can we please just exile Brett Favre to some remote island so I don't have to hear about him anymore?!?
With all this drama going on, and more inevitably to come, I'm glad that the Cavs will be playing through June and that baseball season is starting up, so I can push this team to the back of my mind for as long as possible.

In other news no one cares about- preseason opponents were announced today. We will have the pleasure of playing games no one cares about against the Lions, Titans, Packers, and Bears. Wooo. (please note my extreme sarcasm)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Promos Gone Wild

With attendance at sporting events dropping faster than a pass thrown to Braylon Edwards, many teams are turning to running various promotions as an innocent way of getting more fans to attend a game against a crappy opponent, or to put seats in the stands for a team that isn't playing so well. Like the New Jersey Nets "Resume Night". Unemployed? Still want to watch us lose?! Give us your resume, we'll give you a ticket! Or the various teams that have offered their obese fans an economical way to gorge on hot dogs AND cheer on their favorite teams with all you can eat seat nights.

Sometimes though, said promotions go horribly, horribly wrong.

Honestly, the brains behind some of these schemes were a few beers short of a six pack. A quick look at some of the more infamous promotions gone awry will show that they clearly had "bad idea" written all over them from the start. I mean, did anyone really expect events involving explosives or 10 cent beer to end well?

September 26, 1942.

Scrap Metal Night.

Yes, you read that right. Hello sports fans. Hate when things don't go the right way for your team? US TOO! That’s why tonight, we're having 'Bring Your Own Weapon' Night. Oh wait, we can't run that promotion? Ok, hmm, isn't there a war or something going on? Yea, yea, that’s a good idea. Let's let kids in free if they bring us shiny sharp pieces of metal. Cue 8th inning. Picture riotous youth storming the field and the players running for cover and squealing like little girls. Brilliant!

July 12, 1979

Disco Demolition Night.

I can just see someone sitting around making a list. Likes: Baseball, Explosives. Dislikes: Disco. Hmm, how can I combine all of these things into one stellar evening? How about let fans into the stadium for 98 cents and a disco record, all of which we will BLOW UP WITH A BOMB in between a double header. Apparently close to 90,000 people thought that this was indeed an awesome idea and showed up to a stadium with a capacity of roughly 50,000 and quickly began downing copious amounts of beer and per some reports "illegal drugs". "Woah… man… these records look like Frisbees”. I'm sure it's not easy to keep your team alive when you're being pelted in the head by "Stayin' alive" Shockingly, setting a bomb off in a stadium full of drunk, high, anti-disco fans somehow back fired. They some how managed to blow a huge hole in the outfield, inciting a riot, complete with field storming and fire-starting. (If you can't picture this in your mind, check out some great old-school pictures)

August 10, 1995

Dodgers' fans have balls!

I'm sure you've all been at a game where someone on the opposing team hits a home run and the entire stadium starts chanting "throw it back, throw it back". Now imagine all of these people suddenly realize they have all been armed with promotional baseballs upon entering the stadium. If you were an umpire in this game, would you start making questionable calls against the home team and ejecting players from the game? Or if you did, would you be surprised when the crowd started to make it rain? (And not in a way that someone who is "dancing her way through school" profits from). Yea didn't think so.

And last but not least, the biggest disaster of them all.

June 4, 1974

10 Cent Beer Night.

I really can't even do this night justice. There was an article about it on ESPN'S Page 2 this summer. Upon reading it I didn't know if I should be embarrassed or proud that this happened in Cleveland. Or that if it made me a horrible person that the article had me in tears I was laughing so hard at the absurdity of it. It was the 70s. People were drunk. And high. And for some reason came to the game armed with firecrackers. At one point, they were allowing fans to line up and get beer directly from the beer trucks. The drunken debauchery started innocently enough with a handful of streakers. But as the game progressed, and the fans got drunker, things got uglier. The end result was both dugouts emptying out and a full out riot. A quote from one of the crew chiefs (after a freaking hunting knife landed behind him) kind of sums up the whole thing: "F------ animals! You just can't pull back a pack of animals. When uncontrolled beasts are out there, you gotta do something. I saw two guys with knives, and I got hit with a chair."

Hopefully we can learn from these past mistakes and teams think twice before scheduling things like hypodermic needle night or "Hedge Fund Appreciation Night" on the same night as the mini bat give-a-way. Then again, it would make for a nice follow up post.

GUESS WHAT?!? You can also read this post on a really awesome blog called Straight Up Sports. Check it out HERE.

Monday, March 16, 2009

MARCH MADNE$$: How (not) to pick your bracket

I keep telling myself I'm going to start writing on here again. I've got about 3 other posts that I've started writing, but haven't had the attention span to finish yet. Those are all going on the back burner, because my second favorite season (after football season) is upon us.... MARCH MADNE$!!!!

For 11 months out of the year, I do not give a damn about college basketball. If a game is on and I'm at a sports bar, I'll look to see what teams are playing, but beyond that, I just don't care. Even when I was in college (Ohio University) and we had a good team one year, I only got into it when I was at games, or when we were making our play at the big dance my junior year.

I can't really explain it, but something about March Madness just draws me in. I love getting caught up in it. I love spending a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, drinking a few beers, getting way too into games I'd otherwise care nothing about. I love throwing down $20 here and $10 there for various pools. And most of all... I love filling out brackets. As someone who admittedly knows very little about (read: NOTHING) college basketball... I'm going to break down the bracket anyway....

Here's a look at my thought process as I fill out a bracket. (disclaimer: Do NOT take my advice on this) I also tend to fill out multiple brackets in different (yet similarly random) manners in order to "hedge my bets" if you will. Click the picture to make it bigger.